V O I D N E S S
London, United Kingdom October 22nd, 2017
I hadn't wanted to have children for a long time and hadn't been thinking about pregnancy as something unconditional. But by about 33 years my attitude towards this issue had changed. I realized that I was ready for a new level experience, ready to take care of another human being, ready to become a Mother. A radical change of my identity did not scary me any more.
From the very first days of my pregnancy I noticed with surprise that my sensory organs became much more acute, the senses became supercharged: sounds, colours and smells flooded me. It was like my body became a single perceiving funnel and ceased to belong to me. My perception of reality itself got transformed completely: sometimes the three-dimensional space started to distort, its regular metrics shifted and started to crumble away. At those moments it seemed I was starting to lose my foothold. At the same time, the feeling of being a part of some spontaneous although natural and well-regulated process was raising somewhere from deep inside me.
I was pondering on what our conscience is and what makes up that other conscience living inside me. Where is the border between me and that outer world? How can I love my child without getting attached to them?
Photography does not give answers, but rather encourages to ask questions and make observations in attempt to understand myself.
05/2020 CTypeMag vol.2;
10/17-11/17 F-STOP MAGAZINE/Issue#85;
2017 - The Feeling of Home, "Avent Inn Nevsky", Saint-Petersburg, Russia;